Parental Guidance Is Just A Formality
by Symphonic Smoothies
Summary: Kagura and Okita are reputed at Kabuki High for their reckless behavior... and the damage that results. When Principal Otose gets tired of their fighting and threatens to expel them, Gintoki and Hijikata have to prove their party isn't at fault. Problem is, this particular fight is different from the others... why were they fighting, anyways? School AU, not the class 3-Z version.


**Hello! This is, in fact, an okikagu fanfic in a school setting (not class 3-Z, just regular high school). I saw a post on Tumblr about how in chapter 534, when Okita caught Kagura on the cliffs, Hijikata and Gin looked like concerned parents. Thus, this story was born.**

**I hope you're as happy reading this as I was writing it!**

**Disclaimer: As if someone like me would own Gintama, Sorachi Hideaki does.**

* * *

"This is all your fault, Sadist."

Sougo seethed at the vermilion haired girl's accusation. "You're the one who destroys everything in your path. I can't believe you actually tore down an entire wing of the school, China."

Sougo and Kagura were, once again, in the principal's office at Kabuki High School. The two were seated in high backed chairs on opposite sides of the room. It was mainly a precaution, so that very reason they were in the office wouldn't repeat itself.

"Shut up! You took part in the fight too, yes?! You take retro ability for your actions!" Kagura yelled from her chair.

The sandy haired teen raised a brow in question. "I'm pretty sure that's 'responsibility'." He sighed and looked away from her to study the carpet patterns on the floor. "It doesn't really matter who did more damage at this point, anyways. Principal Otose already called our guardians up to the school; we'll be suspended for a while, at best. We're taking equal blame for this, China."

Kagura folded her arms across her chest and was about to retort when a middle aged woman with cat ears stormed into the room and glared at the two teens. "Oh, what do we have here? Can't say I'm surprised to see you annoying brats are in trouble again!. Ya know what the penalty is for destruction of school property?" Catherine pointed at them in turn with a rough hand. "You'll be paying for the damage you caused with all the money you'll get in the next three reincarnations! And as vice principal, I will make sure your punishment this time is-"

"Janitor Catherine?" A servitude robot with green hair tied in a braid stepped into the room holding a stack of files. "Class 2-B has requested your custodial services."

The school janitor had a stricken look on her face as she exited the room, the scornful gazes of Kagura and Sougo burning holes in the back of her lowered head. "Oi, just who the hell was she tryna fool? Like some feline hag would be the vice principal," Sougo scoffed.

"It is not too hard to believe when you know the principal herself is a wrinkly bat, uh-huh." Kagura replied. She then turned to Secretary Tama and leaned over to look at the files in her hand. "Oh, are those our student records?"

Tama glanced at her with her analytic eyes. "Yes, Otose-sama requested I bring your student records here, so that she and your parental guardians may discuss your behavioral record. It will affect the outcome of your punishment."

Sougo and Kagura looked at each other in understanding. This, of course, wasn't the first fight they'd gotten in; the pair had been sent to the office so many times, they'd slip into a silently agreed on a routine, having long gotten rid of the initial jitteriness one got before seeing the principal. They'd sat in their respective chairs each time, waiting for their 'connections' to get the message to let them off the hook for whatever rules they violated.

This could very well be their last time there, though. Unless by some miracle Principal Otose granted them mercy, they were going to be expelled for sure.

"Ah, Otose-sama, I've brought the students' files. Do you require any further assistance?" Tama's words snapped the pair out of their doomed thoughts and caused them to look up into the face of an elderly woman with a cigarette held between two fingers.

Principal Otose exhaled before stepping into her office. "No Tama, that'll be all for now. You can go." After a respectful nod the android padded out of the room, walking right past two men who were steadfast in glaring at each other.

"Oi, what're you gonna do about this? That monstrous girl of yours knocked down half a building! The hell are you dragging Sougo into this for?" Hijikata shouted in the other man's face.

"Tch, like that sadistic brat is so pure hearted. You should control your kid more; that boy is so evil, just being in the same room as him taints Kagura-chan's innocence!" Gin yelled back at the raven haired man.

Otose frowned and slammed her hand down on the desk. "What are you dumbasses doing out there? Hurry up and get in here, I don't have all day to waste on you scum!"

With one final mutual scowl, the two men walked into the room and stood behind their respective party's chair.

"Sougo, what happened this time? Are you alright?" Hijikata asked the male teen seated before him with nonchalant concern.

"Ah, Hijikata-san, you shouldn't smoke in here, that old bat is spreading enough nicotine to give us all lung cancer as it is. And where's Aneue?" Sougo looked up at his brother-in-law as he approached.

"Mitsuba had a busy shift at the hospital, so she asked me to come instead." Understanding Sougo's earlier words as well as the fact he was in a school, Hijikata stamped his cigarette out on a nearby ashtry. "More importantly, what the fuck do you think you're doing? Your sister and I don't have nearly enough money to cover the results of this shit you've made!"

"But Hijikata-san, I've figured out a way that we can cover the damage fees. If I'm right, there should be about two million yen on your life insurance policy, so if you could just kindly die -"

"As if I'd willingly die for something like that! You just want an excuse to kill me!"

Unfazed, Sougo went back to studying the rough texture of the wall. "It's nothing like that, really. I guess we'll just get Kondo-san to smooth things over again. Geez, it's not that big of a deal, Hijikata-san."

"Like hell it's a big deal! I can't just keep calling the head of security whenever you screw up!"

On the other side of the room, a similar conversation was taking place.

"Gin-chan! The Sadist invaded my privacy! He had what was coming to him, yes?! And why isn't Tsukuyo-chan here?" Kagura asked her foster father with a cheerfulness that belied her current predictament.

"Tsukky was too tired to come, so she made me go instead," Gin explained as he stuck his pinky up one of his nostrils, thinking how his fiancee was almost as violent when she was sleepy as when she was drunk.

His thoughts shifted back to Kagura once more and he frowned at her, letting his hand fall from his nose. "More importantly, Kagura-chan, what is going on here? I already told you, Gin-chan doesn't have enough money for you to keep fighting Souichirou-kun."

Kagura blinked. "It is not my fault, that baka Sadist will not leave me alone! Anyways, I could just call Soyo-chan to help us out, right?"

"Just because you're friends with the superintendent's little sister doesn't mean you can do whatever the hell you want. They're gonna get tired of our excuses after a while," Gin scolded with a weary hand on his face. "Maybe I should just call your Papi so he can deal with this; I'm not fit for this father stuff. Kids make your hair fall out ya know, and soon my scalp's gonna become a barren wasteland from worrying so much."

Before Kagura could protest, Otose banged her desk with a fist to get everyone's attention. "Now, from what I understand you two delinquents are the ones responsible for the destruction of the east hall of the school, correct?"

In unison the two teens pointed at each other and replied in a straight monotone, "It was her/his fault."

"Both of you are to blame! Unless you can prove otherwise, I'm marking both of you down for immediate expulsion from Kabuki High!"

Gin cleared his throat. "Pardon me, Otose-sama," he said while swiftly placing a pair of violet rimmed glasses on his face, "but we, in fact, do have a witness who can clarify that Sofa-kun was the instigator of this fight."

"Sougo desu," the young man corrected as he folded his arms across his blue T-shirt. "And who exactly could you have as a witness? I thought everyone ran away when they saw we were about to fight.."

He trailed off as Gin briefly went to the office entrance and pulled a young man inside before closing the door again. When the boy pulled himself together, Sougo recognized him by his black hair and glasses.

"Our first and only witness, Shinpachi Shimura," Gin announced as he slung an arm across the young man's shoulder. "So, how about it, Pattsan? What exactly did you see during the fight,_ Pattsannnn_?"

Shinpachi paled at Kagura's murderous aura and Gin's death grip on his shoulder. He swallowed hard and focused on Principal Otose, who was looking at him expectantly. "Um, well, I was just leaving the computer lab to go to lunch when a bunch of people came running from the east wing. I looked over in that area and..." His heart sped up a bit as he reached the part where he was about to lie. "I saw Kagura-chan crying and trying to run away while Okita-san knocked down the walls to trap her."

He looked over and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw the death waves radiating off of Sougo. _"It's pointless. There was no way I was ever going to make it out of this situation alive..."_

"Thank you for your testimony, Shimura-san. Since you are one of our honorary students, I'm more inclined to believe your story than anyone else's" Otose remarked before giving Kagura a skeptical look. "Though you don't look like the type to run and hide from that boy."

"Because she's not," Hijikata stated as suddenly an open lawyer's briefcase was before him. "I can prove that this China girl was the one who harassed my client."

Sougo gave him a questioning look as he strided confidently towards the door and opened it, where a gangly man with sleek black hair dressed in the school's badminton uniform waited. Upon seeing him the flaxen haired man understood.

Hijikata pushed the cherry boy forward, making him stumble. "Meet Sagaru Yamazaki, the truthful third party in this case."

Shinpachi gave the fellow plain man a sympathetic glance as Yamazaki struggled to compose himself. He was sweating bullets with the daggers thrown from Sougo's blood red eyes, and he was pretty sure Hijikata was pressing a literal dagger against his spine.

"Alright, this is what happened. I was getting my badminton racket from outside when I saw the wall to the east wing collapse. When I looked closer..." as his story diverged from the truth, his eyes widened and his voice got louder. "The China girl was flinging Okita-san around! He kept trying to get away, but she just kept dragging him around and smashing him into the walls while he screamed! It was horrible!"

Yamazaki's body shook, not from the horror in his story but from the pressure of having told a lie and the dark look Kagura cut him from the other side of the room. _"I never stood a chance getting involved between these two, did I..."_

"Yamazaki-san, since you are one of our most dedicated athletes, I can't say I think you're lying either. But now we have a problem." Otose folded her hands together under her chin and surveyed the room. "We still don't know why this happened. And until we can determine that, there's no way I can say who's fault it really was."

"Oi, it was his fault! Listen to me, yes?!" Kagura waved at the principal from her chair.

Sougo glowered at her. "You're the one who picked a fight for no reason! What kind of person greets someone with a fist? Oh, that's right, a gluttonous china monster!"

"No, it is the kind of person who sees someone going through their things and stealing them!"

"No one wants to steal your crap!"

"Aho! So you admit you went through my things, Sadist?"

Gin's eyes widened, and he took the opportunity to look at Hijikata triumphantly. "See there, Hijikata-kun? Your little boy was the one who started this. Soda-kun was being a little pervert and decided to look through a lady's things. He got what he deserved!"

"Hell no! I have no desire to look through your trash, China. And Danna, who are you calling a pervert?!" Sougo shouted with raised fists.

Hijikata smirked at Gin. "Sougo is a protege of this school; he has better things to do than peek through a little girl's belongings. Also, you're not really one to talk about perverts, 'cuz I could arrest you right now on your history of invasion of privacy and possession of illegal videos... ."

The silver haired man stumbled back. "W-when did you search my hou -"

"Aaaaalright, this is getting out of control." Otose droned on an exhale of smoke. "All I really want to hear right now is Kagura and Sougo's accounts of how this all started."

Kagura's cerulean orbs shined with fury as she stood up and pointed at the sandy haired teen. "He went through my locker, yes?! It was an in station of my dynasty!"

"Invasion of your privacy, you mean," Sougo corrected as he leaned his head onto his propped up hand. "And I wasn't going through your things."

"Then why else would you open up my locker, Sadist?!"

"Simple..." Sougo reached into the pocket of his blazer and pulled out a folded piece of notebook paper. "I just wanted to give you a note."

He wore his same stoic expression as always, but there was something behind it - the glimmer of a smile, Kagura thought - that made her look at the young man curiously.

"A note... is that right..." Otose looked up to the ceiling and closed her eyes. "Since you caused so much trouble over that scrap of paper, at least give it to her, baka."

Sougo obeyed and walked over to Kagura's chair to hand her the note. He stood back as the other occupants of the room crowded around the young lady to see the contents of the all important letter.

Kagura read:

"China,

I guess it's time that one of us fesses up.

Despite the fact that we fight all the time, you've somehow managed to get under my skin. After all we've said and done as rivals, I keep finding my insults have less and less truth to them. You probably think something's wrong with me, and maybe there is. I think if I spend a little more time around you - when you're not trying to decapitate me - I could find out if I'm crazy or if it's something else.

A good place to start I think would be prom next week.

If you don't respond within twenty four hours, I'll allow us to forget the whole thing and just act like we usually do.

Still, I will wait for your reply.

From: Sougo (or as you like to call me, Sadist).

The teen leaned against a bookcase as he reveled in Kagura's facial expressions as she read; how her eyes became wide as they moved over characters, the rush of rose to her cheeks, the small gape of her mouth. When she finished, she along with the mass of people behind her looked up at the blank faced student incredulously.

"O-oi, what is this? Since when did he..." Hijikata shook his head as he looked over at the stunned silver haired man. "Well, not to break the mood or anything, but it seems pretty clear to me that Sougo can't be held responsible for this mess. There's no way he would start a fight with his cru-"

"W-what?! Kagura, what are you doing?! Kaguraaa!" Gin looked at his foster daughter hopelessly as she walked towards her rival warily, clutching the note in her hand. When she stood just in front of Sougo she met his eyes determinedly as the sense of relief and joy overcame the shock inside her.

"I will be wearing red, so do not wear anything that'll clash, uh-huh," she commanded .

After a moment of stillness a tiny smile spread itself across Sougo's face as he ruffled the short girl's fiery hair with a gentle hand. "Wouldn't dream of it. Try not to embarrass me with your weird clothes and your eternal appetite when we're there, China."

"You are the embarrassment, moron," she countered even as she leaned forward to touch her forehead to his lowered one.

After a minute sputtering incoherences Gin collected himself and let out a whoop of victory. "Behold, you imbecile mayo-freak! Kagura-chan surely can not harm the boy who holds her heart! Therefore, she is innocent!"

Shinpachi and Yamazaki shared a glance and nodded as they reached a conclusion._ "While Okita-san and Kagura-chan are reconciling their feelings, we can escape and postpone our certain deaths!"_

Otose squeezed her eyes shut as she allowed the barest of smiles to grace her aged face. With the sound of the adult males' heated arguing, the cherry boys' scurrying, and the hushed murmurs of the lovestruck rivals, the principal thought about how unchivalrous men had become since her time.

"_Still_," she thought as she looked over at the twin smirks on Sougo and Kagura's too red faces, _"despite looks, he actually cares about that girl so much more than she knows yet."_

* * *

**And there ya have it! Reviews of praise and/or critique are very appreciated! **

**(On a side note, I have another fanfic, Snow Is The Best Motivation To Get Kids Outside, if you care enough to try more material from me).**

**Thank you very much for reading!**


End file.
